A love affair – JG and ETFs forever. I have here a lively group of funds and while it takes patience to bond with them, to learn their vagaries, the effort will probably be worthwhile. If I treat them with respect surely they’ll reciprocate…

Hello, hello! What’s this now – a new fund has come mincing in: leveraged ETFs. For the punter in a hurry. Wearing high heels and smiling seductively…

Struggling here to be the great poet and the great day trader. Why wasn’t I born a polymath? Some people have all the… though I have some luck and some dollars for investing (to think I almost wrote speculating!) now that I am post home ownership and post full-time drudge-jobbery. I’m so post that I get to coin new words, so post that I’m courting ETF funds leveraged three times over.

Hussein Bolt sprints the 100 metres in under 10 seconds, these leveraged guys in under four. Thing is they run just as fast backwards, faster even, given their nasty little habit of negatively compounding. The regular market drops 20%, these guys swoop 60% and some. No matter – the feckless one is keeping a sharp eye on the track. With some tremulation because rumour says hard curves are coming.

I live in an ETF stadium brimming with oil, gold, cannabis, lithium and bonds. Many of the latter, so boring! Wearing grey and lounging listless in the stands. Responsible punters like them, apparently. They have their uses, apparently, a bit like undertakers. So says my new book –  ETFs for dummies.

Intriguingly close to my heart, though, are the new arrivals, those seductive funds with their leveraging power. Though the high heels could probably do some serious damage to the turf.


Fickle beasts these ETFs, especially the seductive ones. They want to savage me, trample me.

Apparently there are bulls and bears out there. The punters like the bull – he runs in the right direction whereas the Grisly goes the other way and can rupture a punter’s sleep.

Bonds are my new best friends, looking good up their in the stands, wearing lovely shades of grey and bolstering my portfolio during these rough times.

But it’s so boring. I might have to book a trip to Spain, to Pamplona, go jogging with those bulls.

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